4 Pre-Marital Money Conversations to have before tying the knot
In our culture, we are frequently taught that talking about money is taboo, rude, and uncouth. While between two strangers this may be sage advice, marriage is no place to avoid discussing finances. Below is a guide for common issues that arise before marriage — and some wisdom of how to have the conversations!
To Merge or Not To Merge?
While some couples keep finances completely separate, while others completely merge, the majority of people are doing a combined approach (your account, my account, and shared account). No matter what you choose for your relationship, it is helpful and important to have transparency around savings goals and spending plans. Conversation #2 helps cover exactly how to do this.
Annual Prospective Spreadsheet
No matter what financial structure you choose (together, separate, or blended), transparency is key. Using an annual prospective (i.e. looking ahead to the next year) spreadsheet not only establishes a sense of safety in having a plan, but it also allows you to adjust as things change. Unexpected expense? A bonus that was higher than you thought it was going to be? Pop that info into the spreadsheet and then you can decide together how to tackle the lows and utilize the highs. This plan helps decisions be data-driven rather than pulled by emotion or vibe.
Pre-Nup or Pre-Nope?
A whopping 47% of millennials and 41% of Gen Z couples are signing pre-nups before tying the knot (USA Today, 2026). Before closing or opening the door on this conversation, I recommend watching this video from Aaron Thomas, a lawyer who shares what he has learned about marriage from working on 1,000 divorces. He also explains some misunderstandings about prenups and why this might be the thing that saves your marriage.
Debt Confession & Plan
Ah, debt… the modern era “anti-dowry”! Many people can feel shame around this topic and subconsciously (or consciously!) hide it from their fiancee. To be able to have a shared understanding of the amount of debt and the plan on tackling it, the first step is transparency. I recommend running a credit report on each other before getting married and going over any concerning items that show up. This can be very sensitive, but it can also help you both get closer to each other and help start the marriage in an honest way.
Having these clarifying conversations before getting married can help pave the way for transparent, clear communication about finances in your relationship. If you — or someone you know — needs help having these conversations, reach out! If I am not a good fit, I will help you find someone who is.