Love and the Myth of “Financial Compatibility” in Relationships
If you google search “Financial Compatibility”, you will find a slew of articles warning about financial red flags to look for when dating. The advice varies, but holds the similar theme of trying to find someone who shares your financial mindset (i.e. spenders should be with spender and savers should be with savers) in order to avoid financial disagreements. This advice — while well-intended — can be ruinous not only for couples who avoid further commitment while they are such a good match otherwise. This blog will discuss how opposite financial mindsets can actually be a strength in the relationship — if handled with great communication! And — much like physical intimacy — financial harmony comes from trying out different methods and learning together how finances fit best in your relationship.
Here are 3 reasons why “Financial Compatibility” is a myth:
Opposite Financial Perspectives Are An Asset -- The Frugal MacDoogal tends to always end up with the YOLO/Carpe Diem person. We see this in film, TV shows, and in our own lives. Why is that? Because these people need each other. The YOLO person needs the more frugal person to be more responsible and the more tight-fisted person needs the YOLO person to live life while being safe.
“Financial Compatible” Couples Might Make Assumptions and Avoid Important Discussions — When you categorize someone as “Financially Compatible”, that can lead you to presume that they will agree with every financial decision. Someone who is similar in spending type may vary greatly in their investment philosophy or their idea about merging accounts. Even if you are ‘compatible’, you still need to discuss finances. And couples who presume compatibility across the financial spectrum might not discuss it as much as couples who have different perspectives.
Financial Mindsets Change Over Time — If you marry someone for their money mindset (or worse, if you break up with the love of your life over theirs), know that this is a quality that shifts over time. Money mindsets are not written in genetic code like their eye color; they are shaped and formed over time by our experiences and relationships. The best idea is to enter into a relationship with open discussions and transparent communication about how you want to help each other grow into virtuously using money together.
So to summarize, if you have found the love of your life and you are thinking about taking the relationship to the next level of commitment, don’t let a difference of financial perspective keep you from doing so. BUT do use the difference to recognize your need for transparent and open communication about money — which all couples need to do, even those who deem themselves “financially compatible.”
If you, or someone you know, needs help having these conversations to merge your money mindsets and form the unique financial philosophy of your relationship, reach out. If I am not a good fit, I will help you find someone who is!
DrZepeda@FinancialTherapyTexas.com